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18 marzo there are more women in heaven
In front of beautiful girls, they all seem too shallow. they believe what they see, i close my eyes and start to feel. the sense of justice differs from you and I, due to nature there're more of my kind in heaven. 15 marzo 24when I turned 24,
I got my first full-time job,
in a music company as I always wanted,
mainly working from home.
I should have been happy.
but I wasn't.
The artist girl im looking after,
one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen
As we get closer
I'm one step closer to the truth.
I think my happiness consists two factor,
- to find my long-term believe about somethin eternal, the truth, love, rules
- keep myself busy doing different things interest me at different moments in time, as long as they go along with my believe. being passionate is good.
SO WHY UNHAPPY?
i sometimes make the mistakes of dooing somethings supposingly to be 'fun'. I forgot these things are planned with high expectation.s
setting a goal is only a procesure in life, not necessarily makes one's life meaningul
the reality is, you either achieve you goal, or not.
either way, there will be dissapointment
we constantlywant things we don't have, how could anyone be happy?
as we all know about our bad traits, most of the time we still choose to be 'deep' about it, accept it this way rather than trying to convert it.
29 febrero 镜子得不到,失望.
得到了,绝望. I always sort of knew we want things in life we cannot get, and I sort of knew my life exists upon controdictions, as ultimately we cannot get what we want.
Yesterday, I heard words above:
The true color of most of our lives are dissapointment since we can't get what we want, as we always want more than what we've got.
In a few 'lucky' cases that we get everything what we want. Then there's Despair
we spend our whole meaningful life searching for meaninglessness.
First time I truely lay down my pride and look at my ignorance, feeling peaceful inside.
16 agosto mind powerMind-power I have a self-destroying tendency, clearly. I do ‘do+ing’ things in a destructive manner First I thought this could be as a matter of lacking self-control But then that’s not really it I’m much more dangerous and compulsive than I know. It’s a complex disorder-a ‘cannot stop’ disease
The lack of self-control stems from weak mind-power But if I was weak in mind-power, what drives me to such extent of persistency? Perhaps, I subconsciously love the uncontrollable excitement in the process So I intentionally create scenarios in which I find myself not able to stop 周旋于日光中的幸福感和夜晚的绝望之间 我感叹思想的力量 毁灭与重生源于思想 可是思想取决于宿命 所以， 我信命，不是因为迷信 或茫然。 noneI decide to let myself go I decide to love you To do so I have to leave you Only this way I can reach you My love iv never seen you Iv never smelled you I can only imagine As long as it stays there After so many times I finally understand
Those words don’t affect me no more Things u say relating to future don’t count I listen to u sing again and your voice And you voice that’s where I all began I decide to give my heart to you Give it to you all I haveAnd love me I’d give u everything
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